We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
