please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
