After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
