My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i think i have two assholes
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
