I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Gay?
German.
Pity.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
