The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
