Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
