The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
