So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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