I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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