one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
