She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
