god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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