my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
