I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I could fuck to npr.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
