The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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