I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
