i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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