When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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