): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
