im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this will be a night to untag.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
