do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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