The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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