I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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