After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
