i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
