Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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