Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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