Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize