his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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