Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
