I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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