would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
