Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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