Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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