3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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