I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
