Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
