if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
