I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
