why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
