Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
