i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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