Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
