My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
