There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
