So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
