and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
