i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
