is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
