On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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