wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
