he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
