Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dignity is for republicans.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
