Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
