I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
