apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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