I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
