I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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