I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
