Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
