Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
