I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize