This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize